Wedding traditions
Wedding traditionsWhen it comes to planning a wedding, people have to worry not only about food,
flowers, and what they wear, they also have to honor many traditions, even if they don’t
understand their origins or meanings. However, to not follow these traditions,
understood or not, might mean bad luck for the marriage or, at the very least, disgruntled
wedding guests.
Every culture cherishes its own marriage traditions and superstitions. Many are
not understood but are still seriously followed because “it’s always been done that way”
(Kendrick). Even people not normally superstitious wouldn’t think of violating these
traditions.
Many traditions originated from old rhymes, folktales or tribal traditions whose
origins are lost in time. For example, one of the original meanings of the word
“wedding” was to gamble or wager. This comes from the time when a bride price was
required before marriage. This bride price could include land, social status, political
alliances or money. Thus, the “Anglo-Saxon word ‘wedd’ meant that the groom would
vow to marry the woman, but it also referred to the bride price (money or barter) to be
paid by the groom to the bride’s father” (Kendrick).
There are equally surprising origins for such traditions as the ring finger, wedding
ring, engagement ring (and its diamond), and wedding cake. For example, the finger
used as the ring finger differs from culture to culture. In Greece during the third century
the index finger was used. In India they used the thumb. The “modern” ring finger
started being used in the fourth century when the Greeks originated the belief that the
third finger was connected to the heart by the “vena amoris,” or the vein of love.
(Kendrick).
Use of a wedding ring can be traced back to Roman times, and even back then it
was made of gold. Roman rings were often decorated with a carving of two hands to
symbolize two people journeying through life together as one. Early women’s rings also
had keys carved in them, symbolizing that women were able to unlock the hearts of their
husbands.
It was “Pope Nicholas I [in 860 AD, who first] decreed an engagement ring become a
required statement of nuptial intent,” (Kendrick). He insisted that this ring also be made
of gold, it’s worth requiring a sacrifice on the man’s part for the woman he was about to
marry. This ring went up in value in the fifteenth century when a diamond was added to
it. It was believed that the diamond’s durability and strength would symbolized the
strength of the relationship.
Most of these traditions deal with the strength of the relationship (or its worth or
value), but there are other wedding traditions that deal (directly or indirectly) with
fertility. For example, in the first century BC the Romans began using wedding cakes.
However, these cakes weren’t eaten, they were either thrown at the bride or broken over
her head (Kendrick). This was believed to assure many healthy children for the couple.
In more recent times it became common for the couple to save the top tier of their
cake to be eaten on their first anniversary. This originated in the ninetieth century, when
the extra tiers of the wedding cake were preserved and served at the christening of the
couple’s first child, an event that normally occurred about a year after the marriage.
A wedding cake is for the most part white. Many would probably say this was to
symbolize purity or virginity, but there was actually an economic reason for it. In
Victorian times, "ingredients for the wedding cake were much harder to acquire,
especially for the icing. White icing meant that only the finest refined sugar was used,
and so the whiter the cake, the more affluent the families involved were perceived,”
(Cake).
Today, most couples have the opportunity to meet and get to know each other
(often quite well). However, this wasn’t always the case. Up until the fourteenth
century, it was customary for brides to be either kidnapped or purchased from their
fathers, whose property they were until marriage (then, unfortunately, they became the
property of their husbands).
Since purchase was often involved, an ugly daughter was not considered an asset.
Thus, the tradition of it being bad luck to see the bride the night before the wedding came
into existence. If the unlucky father happened to have an ugly daughter, a husband from
as far away as possible would be “arranged” for her. It was not uncommon for the
groom, upon seeing his unattractive bride the day of the wedding, to leave her standing
at the altar. However, society’s (and frustrated fathers’) answer to this problem is proof
that necessity is the mother of invention. Soon, the tradition of the wedding veil was
introduced, a “curtain” that couldn’t be raised until the ceremony was completed.
Once the bride was safely married other problems could arise. For example,
during the fourteenth century it was the custom for the bride to toss her garter to the men
at the reception. Men being men, they would often get drunk and not wait for the bride to
take off her garter; they’d assault her. To protect the bride it quickly became the new
husband’s responsibility to remove the garter. It then became customary for the bride to
toss her bouquet to unmarried women. However, it was not until recently that people
started believing that the woman who caught the bouquet would be next to be married.
Regardless of who removed the garter, the bride of old most likely would not
have been dressed in white. If her family was well off she would certainly have had a
new dress made for her wedding day, but it did not necessarily have to be white. In
ancient times, color was not considered in a bridal gown. It became customary for the
bride to wear red or other brightly colored gowns. Greeks and Romans used the color
white in any celebration to express joy (Karl 52). It is not clear who first made the white
gown popular. Some say it was the wife of Napoleon III (Van Ostrom 45), others say it
was Ann of Brittany (Kendrick), and still others believe it was Queen Victoria
(Mihanovich 144). What is known is that the wedding dress is traditionally only worn
once. This showed a person’s affluence.
Nearly everyone has heard the old rhyme about what a bride should wear:
something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver
sixpence in her shoe. Many brides abide by it today but most likely, few know what it
means. Something old signifies that the bride will stay close to her family. Van Ostrom
believes it gives a sense of community and tradition (51). Something new signifies hope
for the future. Something should be borrowed from a happily married friend in hopes
that their good luck will rub off on the new couple (Van Ostrom 51). The color blue
stems back to Biblical times when this was the color for purity and fidelity. “Both the
bride and the groom usually wore a band of blue material around the bottom of their
wedding attire,” (Mihanovich 78). The silver sixpence is to wish the bride wealth.
Today, we often refer to marriage as tying the knot, an obvious reference to the
binding of two lives (and, perhaps, the roping in of the male). However in Roman times,
it was the untying of the knot, or knots, that had greater importance. This is because a
Roman bride would often wear a girdle that had many knots tied in it. On the wedding
night it was the grooms responsibility (often, most likely, with fumbling fingers) to untie
these knots (Kendrick).
The honeymoon is considered a time for the new couple to escape all of the pre-
wedding stresses and just enjoy relaxing with each other before the pressures of married
life set in. Karl says the “moon” part of the honeymoon was because customarily the
bride and groom would go away for a whole month, or from full moon to full moon
(132). A honey-flavored wine was frequently enjoyed on the getaway. “Honey was the
ancient symbol of life, health, and fertility,” (Karl132). The two words eventually were
combined to denote the honeymoon we know today.
Wedding cakes and diamond rings, white gowns and garters, veils and ring
fingers. These and other traditions of the modern wedding all have their origins in beliefs
and superstitions that are centuries old. Planning a modern wedding can be a hectic,
nerve wracking experience, and the chaos can often blind the young couple to the true
meaning of the ceremony they are about to share. Perhaps if a modern couple took the
time to understand some of the ceremony’s customs and traditions their wedding day
would have even greater meaning for them.