The importance of solitude in
The importance of solitude inThe Importance of Equal Amounts of Solitude in a Relationship
Solitude in a relationship in equal amounts is an important factor in making a good marriage. Any good relationship must have a certain degree of independence on both sides. If one person believes that the other person must be around for a decision to be made or if one person believes life could not go on without the other person, that person could begin to take the other person for granted. When people do this the relationship begins to be somewhat fake because the person is not living in reality believing that that person will be around forever.
A good marriage must have communication to work properly. Rainer Maria Rilke wrote "A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other the guardian of his solitude." This means that for a good relationship to work both people must have good enough communication with another to show each other nicely that people must be independent to a certain point.
In a good relationship the time spent together must be regulated wisely. Like Rainer Rilke's quotation says, each person basically says how much time alone the other person receives. This amount of time must be large enough to let the person be themselves. If people are not given that time to be themselves, they won't be happy and the relationship will not work. That amount of time that they are given also must not become too large or the other person may begin to feel smothered.
Communication problems are often the cause of breakups and divorces. Countless problems can be blamed on communication problems. Like Deborah Tannen says in her essay, "...[Communication problems].... require a new conceptual framework about the role of talk in human relationships." (79) Communication is vital in all relationships, especially marriage. The couple must be confident enough in their relationship to talk about needing more solitude. Deborah Tannen adds "Once the problem is understood, the improvement comes naturally." (79) If both sides can come to a compromise by using good communication skills an adequate level of solitude can be achieved, avoiding a breakup or divorce.
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