The art of raising a child
The art of raising a childThe Art of Raising a Child
Many parents believe that a child comes into this world as a "tabula rasa", a blank slate. They think it is their task to mold the child in order to make him or her into a decent human being. If it wasn't for them controlling their child's behavior, likes, dislikes, appetite and sleeping pattern, they fear, the kid would turn into an anti-social, sleep-deprived, and under-nourished beast.
When little Andy wants to play with his toys by himself, a strong voice of reason needs to inform him that a good boy shares with Cousin Kurt. And, if he doesn't do so voluntarily, the toy is taken away from him. This teaches him that sharing is good. When Baby Tina refuses to eat her spinach, she is not to leave the dinner table until her plate is squeaky clean. She now understands that iron is vital for her body. When the little ones are running and screaming in the hallway, they are told to "walk slowly and play quietly". Suddenly, we have created well-mannered, soft-spoken, and gracefully striding creatures.
Have we really? Or are we creating the opposite of what we intended?
The most important rules of parenting are often unknown, or overlooked:
1. Respect Your Child. Treat your child the way you want to be treated. The fact that Tommy's body is smaller doesn't make him less of a person. He has feelings, concerns, and opinions. Value, don't invalidate them. No child is ever too small to deserve your respect.
2. Grant Your Child the Right to Own. Once you have given Tammy the doll, it is hers--irrevocably! Let her toss it, drown it, sever its head. Do not force her to share it. How would you like to have your toy taken away from you? When your company provides you with that fully equipped BMW, does this oblige you to let Neighbor Bob drive it every Sunday? You will find that by not interfering with your child's right to ownership, she will take much better care of her belongings. Destructive behavior is generally a protest against such interference.
3. Validate Your Child's Contributions. A child wants nothing more than being an integral part of your family unit. He wants to contribute something of value. Acknowledge those contributions early on, and you will never have to scream to get him to sweep the driveway later. The small child's contribution could be a dance performance, a song, a painting, or a smile. Thank him. Let him hold the...
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