Marriages
Marriages"I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up." � Barbara Bush Marriage is a complicated and personal concept. Its meaning ranges from the melting of two special souls in a union of love to a financial merger complete with pre-nup contracts and inventory lists. Traditionally, it is a statement: "You are IT � The One � I've looked over the others and there is no match for you � I must have you in my life for a happy future." It comes with a ceremony that, despite cultural and religious differences, has more similarities than divergences. The differences happen later, after the gifts are opened and the couple retreats to their relationship. My divorced male friend D. says if you simply must get married, live together first. Dive in. To hell with the survey that says it doesn't work. Communicate. If you can't do that, call the engagement off. Here are some topics for exploration before deciding on marriage: � How much time do we spend together? � Do I need permission to hang out with the friends you hate? � Who keeps track of the money? � Who decides how to spend it? � How often does your family come for dinner? � Do they help clean up? � To whom do we lend money? (Your chronically out-of-work sister? Does she qualify as a charitable tax deduction?) � How much of your mother's approval do we need when making decisions? � Who explains to your father why we no longer want to spend summers at the cabin fishing? The list is limitless � and being caught unawares has caused more squabbles than splitting up the guest list for the big event. "If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam." � Johnny Carson
Good marriages involve compromises and a sense of appreciation for the absurd, as the fusing of folks into a partnership brings some of the most basic areas of life into debate. Other than agreeing to breathe in and out regularly, there are endless possibilities for surprise. For example, The Appliance Agreement � as in how much of the fridge will be taken up with bottles of beer, ketchup, mustard and relishes (green for hot dogs, red for burgers). And how much will be left for items that fit into the four real food groups. She will never understand his need for sardines, garlicky greasy hotdogs or more than one type of relish. He will never comprehend how five extra pounds can ruin a perfectly heavenly opportunity for sex. Then there's the decor. Droves of couples have slammed unaware and unprepared into this one. Maybe his apartment was charmingly Early Guy and you liked the souvenir Bali fertility blanket in hues of lime and brown the first time you saw it. But you were hoping to move on to something more � you know � magazine decorator style. Warning: Brown, black and a smattering of blue...
To view the complete essay, you be registered.