Internet relationships
Internet relationshipsInternet Relationships
In the not too distant past, when a guy wanted to meet a girl, he would go to the singles bar, find an attractive girl and strike up enough nerve to go and talk to her. If things go well he would get the phone number and they would start a relationship in that fashion.. Now with the advances of technology people are meeting people in new, different ways. With the internet came instant communication with anyone else in the world with the same internet connection . All of a sudden people were in chat rooms and communicating with the same people all the time. Sometimes the conversations would lead to a deeper level and then one chatter professes his/her love for the other and all of a sudden an internet relationship is taking place. Time goes by and they meet offline somewhere and go from there. Although to many internet romances seem very unlikley more and more people are meeting their loved ones through this meduim.
How can someone start an online relationship and have it feel so deep and intimate so fast? Online affairs shift the emphasis in a relationship from outward appearances and superficail conversations to inner thoughts and feelings each person has. When the only thing you can do is communicate, things can get deep quickly. Many times people cannot share the superfical things because they don't share those things. You cannot complain about your friend and have them know that person. One cannot speak of your boss and his stupidity. You can speak of those things, but the other person does not get the whole story, only your side. This also is a major part of internet relationships. One can disclose alot of personal information and their deep thoughts and fears about their peers without being fully judged or persecuted for thier thoughts. The person feels he/she can disclose more because they know that the other person will probably never meet any of the people you discuss. All your online friend can do s sympathize with you and talk with you and help you feel better.
Support is a big thing for internet relationships. Many times the person in question has no support group at home or amongt their friends. Online there are countless number of people who have been in the same shoes as you have and know EXACTY how it feels to have, whatever the case may be, that situation happen to them. They can relate, they can sympathize, they can offer resources that may help. They can be their to pat you on the back. If you go to olmost any big health site you'll see a section call "boards" where people discuss the topic board and converse with one another through little notes attatched to threads. Reading through some I saw many, "You go girl", and "Keep it up, you'll lose that weight". In some ways I would think that this would feel inadeaqute and a bit strange, but for some people it's the only support they get, and any support is alot better than none at all.
Many people who are in online romances do so because they are lonely. They may feel that they are truley isolated from the world and that they do not know anyone so they meet people the easiest way they know how, online. How hard is it to go and turn on your computer, wait 30 secongs to log on and talk chatting away. Some people are so shy that meeting people offline seems too frightning. They find the non face to face encounter more appealing because they do not feel that fear you get meeting someone new. They are not worried about apperances or if there is something stuck between their teeth. If they have anything interesting to say, they can just use their fingers to do the talking. People who are labeled "geek" or "weirdo" due to their thick glasses or high pitched voice find that no one online knows anything about you. You can create a whole new persona in a matter of minutes. A 120 pound computer programmer can talk about how he likes to dunk a basketball and since no one knows what he looks like or knows his past they have to take what he says at face value, or not take it at all. Even for a little while they get to know what it's like to be on the other side of the fence, where people respect them and judge them not on their looks or their past, but whats on their minds and their hearts.
Which is where the relationship part falls in line. After the inital few times you meet someone offline, you start to learn about the person through conversation. Rarely is their love at 1st sight. Usually their is attractiveness at first sight and then love is built about what they learn about the other person. For the most part people learn about other people through conversations. Through these converations people start off in the shallow end to test the waters, and not to come on too strong or freak the person out with too much information too soon. They can judge by the others facial expressions whether that particular topic is being taken too far and bring it back. Also, with a traditional relationship you know that if something goes wrong, or you say something unconventional or something not readily accepted then other people are going to find out and talk about what you said and judge you. Since they see you face to face often, they can come to their own conclusions and treat you differently or shun you from the group. On an online relationship if you offend someone then the worst that happens is that the one person will not converse with you any more. Worse is that the whole chat room wil not chat with you. What do you do? You double click on the mouse and find another chat room in about the time it takes to turn the page in a book.
With the internet you can truley be yourself, for the fear of judgement is not as strong. With the internet you can truly be someone else. Create a whole new identity for yourself that you just cannot do with offline friends who know your past and your background ect.. When you learn about people and share such deep dark things about you, and you learn the persons fears and hopes and dreams, then it is easy to see how people can fall in love online. To be loved and to feel the sense you are loved is a strong desire in almost any human being. Whether it be through the traditional offline meetings, online romance, or internet friendship, love is a strong motivator and people will seek a place where they can find love and feel love.
For the most part online relationships end up not working out. Many times it's due to the overwhelming distances that would hurt any relationship. Sometimes when you chat with someone online you start to make up pieces to the puzzle about someone that you don't know. You meet them and they are not what you expected, they are not your perfect mate, but a normal human being, just like you. After awhile many online romances fade away because someone met a person offline and started a relationship where it is easier to get all the peices of the puzzle right there. They do not have to wait for weeks, or months just to have psysical contact, but instead turn to someone offline to fufill their psysical needs. This is why most relationships online will not work. Although people say looks do not matter, or it's whats in the heart that matters, truth is, looks do matter. Mannerisms you cannot see until you meet matter. Even though your mental and emotional needs are met in a cyber relationship, the psysical contact is missing. You can feel love for someone you cannot touch, but it would be very difficult to be IN love with someone you never met for a long time, only to see them for a short while and then be seperated for another long time. Relationships just cannot hold up with that much stress over such a long period of time.
For some couples internet love do work out. They end up meeting offline and fall in love even more, and then more closer together and some do get married and have a great life. For the most part, those couples are in the minority. Even if an online relationship does not work, one can still learn alot from it. They can learn to communicate better with someone closer to them. They can learn to listen, since reading is just listening for the eyes. People learn what NOT to do in a relationship and learn being open and honest can help in their offline relationships. And while thats not what people intended to do, it does help in the development of a human being.