I have always lacked perseverance, a lack of drive, and a general lack of self
pride. Never in my life have I felt that that the work I did would mean anything different completed or left half-done. This has been a characteristic of my life for many, many years. Well, this one-day, not all that long ago, I woke up and decided I was tired of never doing anything in a manner inconsistent with half-assed. I went to work that day and worked as hard as I could, and got a raise, as it just so happened somebody noticed the work ethic. I continued this into the beginning of the school year, and nine weeks later I got a 3.4 GPA.
I cannot say I have worked my hardest this school year, but I can say I have not compromised my grades, and future, to what I have set for myself. I promised myself a 3.0GPa that fateful day at work, and have not compromised thus far. But what I have come to realize, is that by setting my sights at 3.0, and not higher, which I am very capable of, I have compromised, just intentionally. To stick with my usual pattern of revelations, this thought came upon me quite suddenly.
So, can I say I have outgrown compromise, or can I say rather that I have only outgrown the ability to compromise the goals I set for myself? Is the difference entirely prolific? Is one type of compromise better than another, or am I lying to myself to make myself feel better because for once in my life I am exerting minimal effort? Questions, Questions, Questions… They nag at me, they mock me, and they never seem to let me go.
Have I outgrown any negative aspect of my work ethic? I don’t know, so another question goes unanswered another baffling paradox of inner thought and material fact.